my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize