I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
