You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
