I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
