guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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