so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
