So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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