well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
