Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
