I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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