i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
