fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
only you would photoshop your dick
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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