True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
please don't ironically join a cult
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