vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
