so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
