What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
