Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
