Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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