After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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