What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize