im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
