On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
