peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
