she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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