do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You dont lie about slip and slides
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
