Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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