eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
