i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
