New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
