I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
