if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize