Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
we're making bets on your personal life
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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