I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
