You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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