so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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