So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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