don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize