you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
