You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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