if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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