you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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