my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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