Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
pray to the hookup gods
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
