I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize