He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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