Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
