i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
