I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
