She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
