Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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