i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
