Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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