fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
this will be a night to untag.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
