I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
