I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
