Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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