cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize