I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
