I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
