So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
