You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
