It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Randomize