Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
