I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
