DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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