Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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