About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
