you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
