I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
