My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
