so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
