my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
