Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
