Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
