I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
