Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
