Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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