I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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