I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
