sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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